hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
