It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
