Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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