Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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