dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Randomize
