I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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