so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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