i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
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