so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
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