You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
