He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
People in love make me want to vomit
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
