neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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