i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
