i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
