And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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