Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
