I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
