Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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