In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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