Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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