there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
