Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I have aggressive nipples.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
