im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
