Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
