just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
