I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
