I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
