8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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