dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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