I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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