i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Alive.
So much puke
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Randomize
