Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Randomize
