What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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