I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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