And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
