when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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