Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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