so explain again why im purple
no
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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