There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical�
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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