how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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