I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
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