i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Randomize
