Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
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