I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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