He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Randomize
