i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
