Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
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