She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
