You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
