quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
