I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
