Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
