I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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