I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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