Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
you never un-have a 4some
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
