If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
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